Quips & Quotes: Ogden Nash...
...every child should know.
Children aren't happy without something to ignore,
and that's what parents were created for.
Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave
when they think that their children are naive.
The ant has made himself illustrious
Through constant industry industrious.
Would you be calm and placid
If you were full of formic acid?
Develops the jaw,
But celery, stewed,
Is more quietly chewed.
The cow is of the bovine ilk;
One end is moo, the other, milk.
I think that I shall never see
a billboard lovely as a tree.
Perhaps, unless the billboards fall,
I'll never see a tree at all.
The camel has a single hump;
The dromedary, two;
Or else the other way around.
I'm never sure. Are you?
The firefly's flame Is something for
which science has no name
I can think of nothing eerier
Than flying around with
an unidentified glow on
a person's posteerier.
Whales have calves,
Cats have kittens,
Bears have cubs,
Bats have bittens,
Swans have cygnets,
Seals have puppies,
But guppies just have little guppies
When people aren't asking questions
They're making suggestions
And when they're not doing one of those
They're either looking over your shoulder or stepping on your toes
And then as if that weren't enough to annoy you
They employ you.
Anybody at leisure
Incurs everybody's displeasure.
It seems to be very irking
To people at work to see other people not working,
So they tell you that work is wonderful medicine,
Just look at Firestone and Ford and Edison,
And they lecture you till they're out of breath or something
And then if you don't succumb they starve you to death or something.
All of which results in a nasty quirk:
That if you don't want to work you have to work
to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.
The ostrich roams the great Sahara.
Its mouth is wide, its neck is narra.
It has such long and lofty legs,
I'm glad it sits to lay its eggs.
I test my bath before I sit,
And I'm always moved to wonderment
That what chills the finger not a bit
Is so frigid upon the fundament.
I've never seen an abominable snowman,
I'm hoping not to see one,
I'm also hoping, if I do,
That it will be a wee one.
Some primal termite knocked on wood
And tasted it, and found it good!
And that is why your Cousin May
Fell through the parlor floor today.
The trouble with a kitten is
Eventually it becomes a
There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball,
and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.
A family is a unit composed
not only of children
but of men, women,
an occasional animal,
and the common cold.